Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
