Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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