The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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