we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
