That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i love accidental penises.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
