You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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