when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
