i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
worst night to have a conscience
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
