I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
