when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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