somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
