Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
