I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you win again, gameday.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
