i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
