you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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