never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
