I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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