I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
