I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
