that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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