my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
