My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
