Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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