You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I looked at my own cervix.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
