what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
