Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
