so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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