There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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