its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What a dumb baby whore.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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