if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...