There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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