And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex