My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom