i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.