I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
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Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep