if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
