Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
