You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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