The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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