I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
