so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
