Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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