After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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