Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
