Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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