Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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