I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
