it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
