My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
