Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods