i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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