Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
