New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
