i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When are your genitals available?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
