Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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