He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
everyone is single if you try hard enough
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
