Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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