in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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