just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
