He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
