He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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