you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
