He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
