i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
