I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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