batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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