i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
