My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
