Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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