why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
People in love make me want to vomit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
