I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
