The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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