I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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