Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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