I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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