Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
