I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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