First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
