Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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