Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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