I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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