I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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