Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
