I think I won the penis lottery.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
