I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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