K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
