I accidentally burped into my bong.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
