I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
