i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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