I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
