We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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