Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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