i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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